whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
