capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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