i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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