She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
