I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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