shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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