mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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