i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This show inspires me to have sex in space
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
