Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
