i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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