Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I smell stomach acid.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
