her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
