two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize