My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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