God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just blew my weed a kiss
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
