you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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