Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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