Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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