I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
