you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
