Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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