If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
