he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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