Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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