So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
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A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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