Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
