Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
