So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
