Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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