Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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