remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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