Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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