My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
