You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My penis needs a shock collar
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
