somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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