Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
