do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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