So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
