Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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