I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
