when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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