I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
