im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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