She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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