Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
