2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
