Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
