she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
