woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
