Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize