allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She's the barista slut.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
