going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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