i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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