You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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