I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
