This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
