So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
