How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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