why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
