this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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