I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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