just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
