Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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