Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
