All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When did angry sex become our thing?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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