you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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