he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
