I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
