Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
