i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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