Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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