i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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