Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
