Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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