guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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