you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
