A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
