Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Randomize
