Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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