just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
