He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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