i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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