whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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