dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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