my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
