the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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