I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
